Humor

Did you hear about the architect who had an unhealthy obsession with designing unusually intricate buildings (and who hasn’t?)? She had a complex complex complex.

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one […]

A contractor dies on a fishing accident on birthday number 40 and is greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes hands and says “Congratulations!” “Congratulations for what?” asks the contractor. “Congratulations for what?” says Saint Peter. “We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years […]

ENTHUSIASM DISILLUSIONMENT PANIC SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT PRAISE & HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS

CONTRACTOR – A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal! BID OPENING – A poker game in which the losing hand wins. LOW BIDDER – A contractor who is wondering what he/she has left out. ENGINEER’S ESTIMATE – The cost of construction in Heaven. CRITICAL PATH METHOD – A management technique for losing […]

There are two big conferences in NY….one for Engineers and one for Lawyers. They are both being held in the same building downtown. On the first day of the conference, two groups run into each other at the train station and chat while waiting in line to buy tickets into the city. When they reach […]

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”: (translation) We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers. “COMPETITIVE SALARY”: (translation) We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. “SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE”: (translation) …who still live with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries. “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”: (translation) […]

You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s core competencies are. You decide to re-org your family into a “team-based organization”. You refer to dating as test marketing. You can spell “paradigm”. You actually know what a paradigm is. You understand your airline’s fare structure. You write executive summaries on your love letters. You think that […]

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago, to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings, it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind […]

All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20. If she were life size, Barbie’s measurements would be: 39-23-33. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”. All 50 states are listed across the […]