CONSTRUCTION HUMOR

Take a little time out of your busy day to enjoy a laugh at the expense of contractors, architects and engineers everywhere. Click on a joke and enjoy a laugh on the world’s hardest working industry.

LIST O' JOKES:

Did you hear about the architect who had an unhealthy obsession with designing unusually intricate buildings (and who hasn’t?)? She had a complex complex complex.
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Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, “Hey, we need one […]
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A contractor dies on a fishing accident on birthday number 40 and is greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes hands and says “Congratulations!” “Congratulations for what?” asks the contractor. “Congratulations for what?” says Saint Peter. “We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years […]
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CONTRACTOR – A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal! BID OPENING – A poker game in which the losing hand wins. LOW BIDDER – A contractor who is wondering what he/she has left out. ENGINEER’S ESTIMATE – The cost of construction in Heaven. CRITICAL PATH METHOD – A management technique for losing […]
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There are two big conferences in NY….one for Engineers and one for Lawyers. They are both being held in the same building downtown. On the first day of the conference, two groups run into each other at the train station and chat while waiting in line to buy tickets into the city. When they reach […]
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“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”: (translation) We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers. “COMPETITIVE SALARY”: (translation) We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. “SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE”: (translation) …who still live with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries. “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”: (translation) […]
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You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s core competencies are. You decide to re-org your family into a “team-based organization”. You refer to dating as test marketing. You can spell “paradigm”. You actually know what a paradigm is. You understand your airline’s fare structure. You write executive summaries on your love letters. You think that […]
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A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago, to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings, it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind […]
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All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20. If she were life size, Barbie’s measurements would be: 39-23-33. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”. All 50 states are listed across the […]
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I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn’t ya know… I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn’t get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. The officer […]
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Article 1 The work we want performed is clearly indicated on the attached plans and specifications. The Architect, who has had plenty of college, has spent a lot of time drawing up these plans and specifications, but nobody can think of everything. Once your bid is submitted to the Owner-that’s it brother! From then on, […]
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(as if written by a technical writer for a firm that does US government contracting) ‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus […]
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The Bike Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes […]
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An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not healed get back $1,000.” One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have […]
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