Chanen Construction
ABOUT PROJECTS SERVICES CHANEN Lite
CAREERS CONTACT HUMOR
humor

CORPORATE LINGO IN HELP WANTED ADS
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY":  (translation)
We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY":  (translation)
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE":  (translation)
...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE":  (translation)
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well. A couple of the really daring guys wear earrings.

"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM":  (translation)
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED":  (translation)
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED":  (translation)
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY":  (translation)
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL":  (translation)
We have no quality control.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE":  (translation)
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST":  (translation)
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS":  (translation)
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS":  (translation)
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.


Responses to Want Ads

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION":  (translation)
I've used Microsoft OfficeŠ.

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES":  (translation)
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

"I'M PERSONABLE":  (translation)
I give lots of unsolicited advice to co-workers.

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL":  (translation)
I carry a Day-TimerŠ.

"I AM ADAPTABLE":  (translation)
I've changed jobs a lot.

"I AM ON THE GO":  (translation)
I'm never at my desk.

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED":  (translation)
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.

"I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON":  (translation)
Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your form letter thanking me "for my interest, and wishing me luck in my future career."


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